Can't believe I'm really doing this. BLOGGING. I have not had the energy or mental capacity for this sort of endeavor, but hearing the baby's heartbeat yesterday is a big enough deal that I have to record it.
I'm pretty sick. I go from bed to the couch to bed again most days. My personal hygiene is suffering and I look soooo gross. Ruby and I watch Cinderella and Tangled and "sheep show" all day every day. The poor girl goes stir crazy until Kyle gets home, and then he takes her outside and on errands and they have fun together. I am able to muster the courage to change her diapers and get her food, buuut that's about the extent of it. Kyle makes meals, cleans the house, and takes care of Ruby every second that he's home. He's pretty great. The good news is that I'm 11 weeks along, and hopefully only have a few more weeks of this part left.
I'm happy to be sick. With Ruby, I threw up 4 or 5 times a day and was really miserable. With my pregnancy last year, I wasn't sick at all. I was so relieved when I started feeling nauseated this time around. So, while I complain constantly, I always do it with the knowledge that being sick is awesome and I'd be freaking out if I felt fine.
I went to my first doctor appointment yesterday, because I was out of town when I turned 8 weeks and this was the first time they could fit me in since then. It was a great appointment and got me really excited. I didn't know how worried I was until I heard the heartbeat and wasn't worried anymore. It took the doctor a little while to find the heartbeat, and after 2 seconds we went into full-on panic mode. With Ruby, Kyle and I weren't stressed about it at all, but that was before anything bad had ever happened to us. When we finally heard this baby's little heart, I was just flooded with relief. Last time we never heard the heartbeat, so although I was further along when I miscarried than I am now, it still feels safer this time.
We talked to the doctor about doing a VBAC vs. a repeat cesarean--something I have thought about nonstop since I had Ruby. Every doctor I've talked to at my OB is encouraging either way. We've decided to do a repeat cesarean, although I'm free to change my mind. The doctor I talked to yesterday mentioned that it's not unlikely that what happened with Ruby (prolapsed cord) could happen again--it might just be something about my body and the way it...blah blah he had a name for it but I don't remember. It was really interesting though, and no one had told me that before. And the chances of uterine rupture seem small, but I don't like ANY chance of it--especially after talking to my grandma at Christmas. Her uterus ruptured while giving birth after having a C-section and she had to have an emergency hysterectomy. The statistic is more real when you know someone it happened to. While Ruby's birth had scary moments (I still can't believe everything worked out), I still think of it as a really awesome experience. Having a C-section isn't as terrible as everyone says, although obviously I don't have anything to compare it to. I just didn't find it traumatizing or anything. If it's the safest way for me to have a baby, I am happy to do it again.
Pregnancy (especially the awful first trimester) changes my personality in significant ways. I get really depressed. I stop feeling enthusiastic or excited about basically anything. I do NOT like to plan things. I turn into a homebody and avoid social interaction. Kyle starts worrying about me after I haven't left the house for like 4 or 5 days. Everything is just too HARD. I thought that having a kid already that I have to take care of would help me maintain a normal life, buuut I underestimated the power of nausea.
I'm not throwing up as much this time, although I do throw up every day. I'm taking Zofran, which doesn't cure me but maybe helps a bit? The only thing that really helps the nausea is eating. So, instead of not eating anything like with Ruby, I eat constantly so that I don't throw up. It stresses me out. I don't want to gain a ton of weight before it's even baby weight. But it's worth it if it means I'm not writhing and moaning. Right now I'm mostly living off of toast and Frosted Flakes, with Super Pretzels and taquitos thrown in for variety.
This sounds so complainy. And that's pretty true to life--I am such a huge wuss and complain all the time. I try to curb it around Kyle because he hears so much of it, but it really does make me feel better to talk about how awful I feel. He's just lucky I don't describe my vomit to him in detail--it's the only interesting thing that happens to me.
The due date is August 2nd, so the c-section would be scheduled at the end of July. That feels like an eternity from now. Hopefully I can get Ruby potty trained before then.