38 Weeks

My c-section is scheduled for next Monday, because all scheduled c-sections are done on Mondays with my obs.  I really wish it was going to be this Monday, because I am getting more and more paranoid about a) going into labor on my own, or b) something happening to Jane before she can be born.  I've had a few contractions, I think--or just really bad Braxton Hicks.  Every time, I fluctuate between excitement/relief and panic/more panic.  Having this baby would be exciting, obviously.  But NOT before Mom and Christy can be here!  Plus, there are so many drawbacks to having a c-section, I at least want to take advantage of the few benefits--mostly the assurance of it being scheduled and being able to plan on it.  I am wildly excited for next weekend.  Christy can only be here for a couple days but I am so happy that she can be here for Jane's birth and be with me in the hospital.  I consider her a birthing guru and it's just really comforting knowing that she'll be there.  She's also a pro nurser (?) (breastfeeder?) and will help me out because we HATED our lactation specialist last time and don't want to see another.  Of course my mom being there is a HUGE deal to me.  When Ruby was born, Kyle went with her to the nursery and I was all alone in a recovery room for about an hour after they closed me up.  Mom was still in the air on her way to Utah, and I was so sad she wasn't there to keep me company!  This time around is going to be soo much better...as long as Jane can hold her horses and wait to be born on MY timetable. Ha.  It kind of seems silly to me to plan anything, especially relating to childbirth, because there's very little that you can control.  I guess we'll wait and see.  If all goes according to plan, we will do all of Christy's essential Utah things on Saturday, relax on Sunday, and then have a baby on Monday.  I hate not knowing WHEN on Monday, but that's just how the hospital works--they'll call me Sunday night and let me know.  Hopefully it's early because I can't eat anything that day.

I have hardly documented this pregnancy at all. I haven't wanted to be negative, and mostly things are just terrible.  There have been a few good things though.  I actually haven't gained any weight yet.  I think I did at some point and then lost it again when the morning sickness came back.  It's not on purpose--I try hard to eat, I just get sick if I eat anything.  Jane is plenty big and parasitically leeches all the nutrients she needs from my body, so I'm not worried about her.  Another good thing is how active Jane is.  This used to drive me CRAZY (the girl is psycho) but now that I'm paranoid about her health, I'm grateful for it.  It's also made me way more connected to her, I think.  With Ruby, it was all so new and I was so concentrated on the fact that I was having a baby that she was just kind of there in my body.  But with this girl, I am totally aware of her and where she is and what is her hand vs. foot.  She's got so much personality already.  Last week she kicked Ruby in the head when Ruby rested her cute head on my tummy to "listen" to Jane.  Nothing has ever delighted Ruby so much.  I feel like Jane and I practically play games with each other, poking my stomach back and forth.  It might be in my head, but it feels pretty interactive.  I also might feel like I know her because we refer to her by name.  Ruby was Velocity until she was born, but Jane is Jane.  We couldn't change it now if we wanted to, because it would confuse the heck out of Ruby. We don't want to though.

In non-newborn news (but still child-related), Ruby is, basically, potty-trained I guess?  This time around just worked.  We tried a few months ago but she was scared of going poop in the potty and I got sick of cleaning it out of her panties--truly, truly disgusting.  So it kind of just fizzled out.  Then, after we got back from California, Kyle decided it was time to try again. I told Ruby that if she went poop in the potty she could get chocolate milk and VOILA!  Done.  She will do anything for chocolate milk.  We go out on errands with her in panties, which seemed to me like a big deal.  She is great at going potty in public restrooms, and she is great at holding it in when we're not close to a bathroom.  (Her "holding it" face is really cute.)  The only thing we haven't even tried is wearing panties overnight.  She always wakes up with a wet diaper and I just don't know how to deal with that.  I try to limit giving her a drink close to bedtime but she gets so mad!  We'll work on it.

What else...we've been working on the baby room and like it just fine.  I live off of Cap'n Crunch and Capri-Sun.  The Ambien helps me sleep for a few hours every night--not the full 8 I'd like, but enough to live on.  I don't have any pregnancy pictures because I always feel sick and gross and never take off my sweatpants.  My mom is going to be here for a long time because school doesn't start until the end of August and I am so happy.  I bawled and moped and wept for days when she left after Ruby was born.  And Katy will be here for almost a whole week in August too.  Ruby is already planning things to do with Aunt Katy!  Having them around is really going to help me be happy.

Only 10 days to go.  I hope time goes quickly--I am so uncomfortable!