Oh Gosh

I've been thinking about my music taste. I like it. I think it's good. I LOVE what I love, and I make no excuses or apologies, but I understand that a lot of people wouldn't agree with me. So I don't show it off or share it with other people. I just let it be. It's just different.

I don't want to date Cameron. I know I don't, and I wouldn't, so I won't. But I want to date someone who knows me the way he does.

Also--why do I pay so much attention to names? I've known this about myself, but why is it true? It's not really a good basis for judgment. I think I just really like letters, so when those letters are arranged in a pleasing manner, wow. I notice.

Work is getting--dare I say it??--better. I'm starting to realize that it IS worthwhile, because the old people love me. I get in trouble when I talk to them for too long, because really I should be working, but it means a lot to them. They're lonely. I used to feel so bad talking instead of working, and I was mortified when my supervisor reprimanded me. But then this cool old guy John's daughter ran into my mom (they've worked together in stake YW) and she told my mom what a big deal it was that John felt like we were friends. It really changed how he felt about living at Aegis. When Mom told her that I got in trouble for talking to him for too long one time, she just said she was glad it happened anyways, because it was worth it, because it made her dad happier. So today, when Lou Lou from St. Louis, who is an absolute riot, was talking to me FOREVER because she gets so bored and lonesome, I thought "SCREW my supervisor, we're here for the old people, not for the toilets" and we had a nice long chat--oh man, she is so funny. AND I got all my work done. So far, I've learned a lot from the residents. The only thing they have left is family. And that's all they talk about. They talk about their children, or their dead spouses, or their parents. Sometimes it's REALLY sad and I have to try to not cry until I get out of the room. So between that and rewatching episodes of Arrested Development over and over, I'm getting the message loud and clear that family is the most important thing.

My experiment to figure out how much sleep is necessary for me to function at work was inconclusive. I mean, I stayed up late last night, and I functioned at work. But does that mean tomorrow will be worse? Am I in sleep debt? Should I go to sleep early tonight to make up for it, or stay up late again so my body can get used to it? My problems are so severe.